I have always been a competitive person, but the person I enjoy competing against most is myself. That is probably why cross country, track, and swimming have always been some of my favorite sports. Yes, I am racing other people, but I am also racing the clock, measuring my own effort, and trying to improve on what I have done before.
Two years ago, when I was a senior in high school, I ran a race called the Tar Heel 10 Miler. At the time, I was in excellent running shape. I was running seven to eight miles a day, doing at least one hill workout and one speed workout each week, foam rolling constantly, stretching regularly, and getting plenty of sleep. Most weeknights I slept around eight hours, and on weekends I usually managed nine or ten.
I finished the 10-mile race in 68 minutes, went home to shower and eat lunch, and then immediately headed to my conference track meet.
At the meet, I ran the two-mile race in 12:30. That was about 45 seconds slower than my best time that season, but it was close to what I expected after already racing 10 miles earlier that day. Honestly, the two miles felt harder and more painful than the 10-mile race because my legs were so tired by then. Still, I remember feeling completely on top of the world afterward.
After races #1 and #2
The morning after that double-race day, I woke up more sore than I had ever been in my life, but I still felt proud of what I had done.
These days, my running looks very different.
The last time I ran more than 10 miles was during my most recent half marathon, which was almost two years ago. Lately, I have been running an average of about five miles per day at an easy, conversational pace. I am not doing speed workouts, and I am not doing hill workouts. I am also sleeping closer to six or seven hours a night, which I know is not enough for me.
This Saturday, I ran my third Tar Heel 10 Miler. It is a great race course that goes right through my school’s campus, and the starting line is only about half a mile from my dorm. This time, though, the experience felt very different because specific race training had not been a priority for me this semester.
About a week before the race, I started wondering why I had signed up in the first place. I knew I had not made time to truly prepare for it. Because I am so competitive, I have never really understood the idea of doing a race “just for fun.” For a long time, my definition of fun was beating my previous times. Some people may think that sounds ridiculous, but I know other runners will understand exactly what I mean.
For this race, I knew there was no way I would run it the way I did two years ago. On top of that, the Tar Heel 10 Miler has an infamous hill near the end of the course that lasts for nearly a mile.
For the first time, I decided to let myself run a race simply for the experience. I took two quick water breaks at aid stations, which I had never done during a race before. I also stopped several times on the side of the course, with my hands on my knees, trying to catch my breath because allergy season was not doing me any favors.
I finished in about 80 minutes, which was a full 12 minutes slower than my best Tar Heel 10 Miler time. Then I woke up the next morning and could still barely walk.
Surprisingly, I feel good about it. I do not see the race as a failure for several reasons.
1) I realized that life has seasons. This season includes a lot of late nights because of homework, work, and time with friends. My GPA, my debit card, and my happiness depend on those things, and I would not trade them. Race training simply was not at the top of my priority list right now.
2) I remembered that I run because I love it. I do not run because I need to prove that I can be faster, tougher, or more disciplined. Running makes me happy, helps me feel centered, and keeps me healthy. That is reason enough.
3) I genuinely had fun. Since I had not raced in about a year and a half, I had forgotten how much I enjoy the energy of race day. Being surrounded by other runners, hearing the crowds, and moving through the course reminded me how much I love the running community. I definitely caught the race bug again.
There was live music along the course and plenty of spectators cheering, which made the whole morning feel lively and encouraging. Spectator signs always make me laugh, especially one that said, “Run faster. If you pass out, I’ll pause your Garmin.” Runner humor is the best.
Running the Tar Heel 10 Miler was a great way to spend a Saturday morning. Since the race started early and was so close to my dorm, I even got to crawl back into bed for a little while afterward, which felt like a bonus prize.
Honestly, I know I am probably the only person who cares about my race times, so that was not really the point of this reflection. What I wanted to share is how freeing it felt to let go of some perfectionist tendencies and allow myself to enjoy a race without demanding a personal best.
My high school self would have been horrified that I was sore after running 10 miles at an eight-minute pace. My current self understands that I chose my priorities for the semester, and training hard for a race was not one of them. That does not mean I failed. It just means this season of life looks different, and that is okay.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with training seriously for a race and wanting to perform well. I would love to do that again soon. But I also think it is important to give yourself some grace during the busier, messier seasons of life.
These past couple of years have taught me to relax a little and be kinder to myself when I cannot do everything perfectly. This race was another reminder of that lesson. Doing the best I can with the time, energy, and priorities I have right now is enough. I do not always have to outperform myself. If you relate to that feeling, practice giving yourself a little grace too.
So tell me…
Are you a competitive type?
What was the last race you ran, or what race do you have coming up next?
What is your ideal race distance?
This race’s slogan is “10 is perfect,” and I might have to agree.
Do you have any similar struggles?